dadaleninUBU LENIN

at swiss institute, new york nov 2009 - and performa 2009

theatrical performance / swiss instutute 2009, performa 2009

Ubu Rex (King Ubu) by Alfred Jarry is a master piece about the murder of the polish royal family and the abuse of political authority. Considered to be a herald of the Absurd, Dadaist and Surrealist theater this work really anticipates the monstrosities of 20th (and 21st) century history. As so many dictators and politicians since the writing of this master piece, Ubu was a cruel, greedy, vulgar, self-agrandizing and stupid monster that triggered wars and pushed his population into misery. King Ubu was performed in Zurich at Cabaret Voltaire in 1916 and most likely seen by Lenin and his wife Krupskaya. This must have inspired them to offer the Romanov, the house of the Russian tsar, the same fate. The fact that Lenin was a participating dadaist in Zurich - though in disguise - served me as pretext to rewrite the original Ubu play as Ubulenin, replacing Ubu father and Ubu mother with Ubulenin and Ubukrupskaya. Needless to say, even Bush's weapons of mass destructions and former US Fed chief Greenspan - main regulator over ubuesque investment schemes leading to the current fall down of the world financial system - have an appearance on stage.

dadalenin UBU LENIN
By Alfred Jarry, 1898 / Rainer Ganahl, 2008

Prelude: From the windows of the residency of Ubu Lenin and his wife Ubu Krupskaya

UBU LENIN/left window: Schitt
UBU KRUPSKAYA/right window: How stupid can you get?
UBU LENIN/left window: You shall very shortly get beaten up good and proper.
UBU KRUPSKAYA/right window: Pfart!
UBU LENIN/left window: Pschittburger!
UBU KRUPSKAYA/right window: Schitt
UBU LENIN/left window: BuggerSchitt  …. You’re looking exceptionally ugly tonight, Ubu Krupskaya.
UBU KRUPSKAYA/right window: Schitt

Scene one: At the residency of Ubu Lenin and his wife Ubu Krupskaya

UBU LENIN: Schitt
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Ooh! What a nasty word! Lenin, you’re a dirty old man.
UBU LENIN: Watch it, Ubu Krupskaya, I’ll bash your head in!
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Not my head, Lenin.
UBU LENIN: By my dick, I’m not with you.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: How come, Ubu Lenin, you mean you like what you are?
UBU LENIN: By my dick, pschitt, Ubu Krupskaya. Yes, by God, I’m perfectly satisfied. Who wouldn’t be? Captain of the Guard, eye and ear of Tsar Nicholas II, decorated with the order of the Double Headed Eagle of Russia. You can’t go higher than that.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: You’re joking! After having been the king of Poland, you’re content to ride in front of fifty bumpkins in procession when you could have the sceptre of Russia in your hands?
UBU LENIN: Krupskaya, I don’t understand a word you’re saying.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: How stupid can you get!
UBU LENIN: By my dick, tsar Nicholas II, is still alive, isn’t he? And even if he isn’t five feet under, hasn’t he masses of children?
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Why don’t you finish off the whole bunch and put yourself in their place?
UBU LENIN: Krupskaya, now you have gone too far. I’ll smash your face in.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: You poor bugger, if I get beaten up, who’ll suck your dick?
UBU LENIN: What?
UBU KRUPSKAYA: If I were you, I’d try to get my ass sitting on this throne. You could become enormously rich, screw as many sausages and kulaks with your comrades as you like.
UBU LENIN: If I were in his place, I’d roll through the streets with golden bicycles and use silver fishing rods. And we’ll create a communist state!
UBU KRUPSKAYA: you finally could get yourself bronze and marble dildos, and skip your pills, your Perpetual Motion Food, to satisfy me properly.
UBU LENIN: It is more than I can resist! Shittburger, if ever I come across the tsar alone on a dark night, I’ll do him in.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Now you‘ve got balls. Ubu Lenin,
UBU LENIN: Oh no! Me, a captain of the guard, brutally murdering the Romanovs! I’d rather perish in one of our projected working camps for the Belomor Canal.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Oh, Schitt So you want to stay poor as all of your comrade workers, Mister UBU-Lenin?
UBU LENIN: Fuck, yes, by my dick, I’d rather be poor and work as a proper assembly line rat than being a rich profit taking murderous cat!
UBU KRUPSKAYA: And your bicycles? And your fishing rods? And your filthy marble accessories for impotent men?
UBU LENIN: And then what, old cow?
UBU KRUPSKAYA: speaking to herself: Pfartt, what a stingy impotent-bastard, I’ve got to get him shifting. In a week, I’ll be Tsarina of Russia and he will hopefully forget about his communist and revolutionary ideas !

Scene two: Dining hall with Ubu Lenin, Ubu Krupskaya and LIEUTENANT DOGPILE

UBU LENIN: Dogpile, did you enjoy your dinner?
LIEUTENANT DOGPILE:  Lovely, except for the pschitt.
UBU LENIN: Oh, the pshchitt was great.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: A little of what you fancy, they say.
UBU LENIN: Dogpile, I’ve decided to make you Duke of Lithuania.
LIEUTENANT DOGPILE: But I thought you were completely broke, Mister Ubu Lenin?
UBU LENIN: In a day or two, with your help, I shall be in place of the Tsar.
LIEUTENANT DOGPILE:  What !! You’ll assassinate the Tsar?
UBU LENIN: Doghshit is clever, he guessed it.
LIEUTENANT DOGPILE: If it’s killing Tsar Nicholas II, I’m with you. I hate him, my men do too.
UBU LENIN: Oh Dogpile, We love you dearly for that.
LIEUTENANT DOGPILE: Pooh, you stink, man! Don’t you ever wash?
UBU LENIN: Occasionally.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Never!
UBU LENIN: shut up.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Fat lump of Schitt
UBU LENIN: Right, Dogpile, that’s all for now. By my dick, I swear on the head of Krupskaya to make you ruler of Lithuania.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: But...
UBU LENIN: Shut up

Scene three: Parade ground near the Winter Palace with tsar and part of his family

TSAR: Noble Master Ubu Lenin, enter the royal enclosure with your followers, and we will review the march past together.
UBU LENIN aside to his men: Look sharp, you fuckers. It starts soon. To the tsar: Coming, Sire, coming.
TSAR: Ah, there’s my regiment of Danziger Horse guards. What a magnificent spectacle!
UBU LENIN: You think so? They look rubbish. Look at that one! How many days since he last had a shave, what  lousy scum!
TSAR: But this soldier is very well turned out. What on earth is the matter with you, old Lord Ubu Lenin?
UBU LENIN stamping on his food: This is it!
TSAR: Bastard, Treason!
UBU LENIN: PSCHITT. It’s time. He pushes his knife into the stomach of the tsar.
LIEUTENANT DOGPILE:  down with the tsar! Hurrah!
They all  attack the tsar. A bomb explodes.
TSAR: Help, help! By the Holy virgin and Queen Olga, I’m dying.
PRINCE BOGGLERAS: What the fuck’s going on? After them!
UBU LENIN: Ha! I’ve got the sceptre! Now, after the other fuckers.
LIEUTENANT DOGPILE: Kill all those bastard princes!
The princes run for their lives. All chase them.

Scene four: Balcony of the Winter Palace, overlooking the plaza full of People. Ubu Lenin, Ubu Krupskaya, Lieutnant Dogpile, and people

PEOPLE: Up, up Ubu Lenin! Hurray! Long live Ubu Lenin and his communist revolution!
UBU LENIN throwing gold: Here, gold from the treasury for all. Long live communism!
He hesistates but goes on from the balcon. All this throwing away of gold doesn’t give me any pleasure, but Ubu Krupskaya insisted. At least, promise you’ll pay your taxes now.
PEOPLE: Yes, yes!
People in the plaza violently rush for the gold
LIEUTENANT DOGPILE: Look, they’re fighting over the money. It’s hell down there.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: wow, this one’s had his brains bashed in for the gold he just picked up
UBU LENIN: Great revolutionary scenes, toss more gold !
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Feed the crowd your 'Perpetual Motion Food' too, so we can really turn them on!
All: Yes! Long live Ubu Lenin! Long live the revolutionary and Ubu’s 'Perpetual Motion Food'! We never had fun like this during the reign of Tsar Nicholas II!
UBU LENIN: Those on Perpetual Motion Food and still alive after the fight over our revolutionary gold should grab their bicycles and compete in the Ten Thousand Mile Race
LIEUTENANT DOGPILE: It’s from the Kremlin to Vladivodstock and back again
UBU LENIN: The winner against the new train will be exempt from taxes and get Perpetual Motion Food for free throughout the first Five Year Plan of our proletarian dictatorship.  
PEOPLE: Hurray… long live the Ubu Lenin revolution and his Perpetual Motion Food.
UBU LENIN: By the way, we need to move to the Kremlin, the Winter palace is too cold and too small for our new bureaucracy.
PEOPLE: Hurray, the revolution will be everywhere.
UBU LENIN:  Communism is Soviet power plus the electrification of the entire country

Scene five: The Kremlin, Ubu Lenin, Ubu Krupskaya

UBU LENIN: By my dick, I’ve done it. I’m the ruler of this fair land. From now on, Russia becomes the Soviet Union, the dictatorship of the proletariat. Feeling a headach: It was a fuck’n party all last week and now I’ve got a hangover.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: soon, your goodies …
UBU LENIN: yes, golden bikes and silver fishing rods, communist party offices throughout the country and Cheka security men to safeguard our ass!
UBU KRUPSKAYA: even though we are now revolutionaries, we’ve still got to be economical.
UBU LENIN: Krupskaya, you’re so right.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: We owe so much to the Duke of Lithuania.
UBU LENIN: Who’s that?
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Lieutenant Dogpile.
UBU LENIN: For heaven’s sake woman, don’t even mention that fucker to me. Now that we don’t need him anymore, we socialize Lithuania, just as were going to do with the rest of the country .. all these fuckers will lose control to the communist party, the CPSU.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: You’re making a big mistake, Ubu Lenin. They’ll turn against you.
UBU LENIN: I should worry! As far as I’m concerned, he and Boggleras can go fuck themselves. We got the raving masses on our side. Also, our Cheka man Felix Dzerzhinsky is a master of our Red Terror. He already has started our new campaign, accurately depicted on Wikipedia:  brutal torture, flogging, maiming or execution. Some are shot, others drowned, buried alive, or hacked to death by swords. Quite often the victims of Cheka who were about to be executed were forced to dig their own graves. Nobody will dare to speak up for the next 50 years.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: And do you think you’ve heard the last of prince Boggleras?
UBU LENIN: Sword of phynance, obviously! What harm do you think he can do me, that little fourteen year old shit?
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Ubu Lenin, you should bribe Boggleras!
UBU LENIN: More money down the toilet? We’ve already wasted two million to be in this place.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: I warn you, Ubu Lenin. He’ll stab you in the back. Young prince Boggleras might defeat you. After all, he has justice on his side.
UBU LENIN: Who cares! Isn’t injustice just as good as justice? Shut up, cunt, you piss me off, Krupskaya.

Scene six: In the Great Hall of the Kremlin, Ubu Lenin, Ubu Krupskaya, Communists, Officiers, Nobs, Lawyers, Bankers, Judges, Clerks, artists and more

UBU LENIN: Bring these, nobs, kulaks, exploiters, capitalist bloodsuckers in.
The Nobs and kulaks are pushed forward, roughly
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Ubu Lenin, go easy on them.
UBU LENIN: Comrades. The superstructure bloodsuckers enrich me as does the Soviet Union. Let’s set an example so that people for hundred of miles around will see, tremble and say: let’s choke and strangle these bood-suckers publish their names, take away their grain.
NOB: Ooh, Aah, Help !
UBU LENIN: Bring me nob Number One. All those who are condemned must be shoved this hole to mee t their death. Down to the Slushpile to be debrained.
to the NOB What’s your name, Kulak?
NOB: Viscount of Petersburg.
UBU LENIN: How much are you worth?
NOB: Three million a year.
UBU LENIN: guilty!
He pushes him down the gutter.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: You’re so strict, go gently, you might need them!
UBU LENIN: next nob. What’s your function?
SECOND NOB: Doctor from Moscow.
UBU LENIN: Down you go. These Jewish doctors are conspiring against me. Next. Who are you?
THRID NOB: Holder of Hanover, Halle and Harrogate.
UBU LENIN: Three in one? Down the tube. Next nob. Name?
FOURTH NOB: Proud Palatine of Polock
UBU KRUPSKAYA: You’re too fierce!
UBU LENIN: Shut up, I’m working, making my fortune. To the court officer now:  Just read me the titles and job descriptions:
CLERK: That’s all?
UBU LENIN: What d’you mean, that’s all. I’m not rich enough yet, and the Soviet Union not yet solidified, so they’re all for the drop. They’ve got it, I need it, we need it. Stuff the nobs down the tube and hang them in accordance with yesterday’s telegram. Also, use your toughest people for this!
LAWYERS: Objection. Nolle prosequi.
UBU LENIN: Shut up! Lawyers first, then industrialists, followed by doctors, teachers, artists and the rest of that counter-revolutionary scum. Also, suspend all judges’ salaries.
JUDGES: What’ll we live on? We’re broke. 
UBU LENIN: Big deal, live on the fines.
JUDGES: Under these conditions, we refuse to judge.
UBU LENIN: All judges down the tube as well!
They struggle in vain.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: What’re you doing, Ubu Lenin? Who’ll do the judging, now?
UBU LENIN: Watch and see. Who’s next, now. Bankers.
BANKERS: We’ve got no change!
UBU LENIN: First, I want half of all the assets you keep.
BANKERS: You’re joking. That’ll make a credit crunch that leads to a financial crisis. No money anymore for big and small businesses. Real estate prices will collapse and pull down the stock markets around the world. It will lead to a credibility gap and investors will stay way. You and your revolution will be without revenue and without any military hardware. Who’s gonna finance the military-industrial complex and your revolution!?
UBU LENIN: Ok, I’ll talk to my Federal Reserve Chief but start taking charges immediately: on property 15 %, commerce and industry, 25 %, marriage and death fifty rubles each
BANKERS: It’s not viable; it doesn’t add up.
UBU LENIN: Fuck’m ! down the tube!  All of them – down the hole; Socialize all banks and freeze all capital ! 
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Ubu Lenin, you are killing the whole world.
UBU LENIN: Don’t worry, Ubu Krupskaya, I’ll go from town to town myself, collecting the cash. I’ll deposit it in the Kremlin, the Winter Palace in Petersburg is too small.
Looking at a group of less well dressed people
And who are these nobs?
ARTISTS: we are artists, Comrade Ubu Lenin. We’ll revolutionize art and render you immortal through our bronze sculptures of you. One day they’ll even circulate worldwide on E-bay. Spare our lives and forgive us for having served these bourgeois fat cats until now, when you brought us the revolution.
UBU LENIN: Your apologies are well received and you are pardoned. The mediocre ones we keep in Moscow, the better ones we send to the work camps throughout the Soviet Union and the best artists go to the Gulag in Siberia. I believe in Siberia, their raw materials, their oil and gas reserves and their proximity to China. In Siberia you get an atmospheric understand of our foreign policy.
Picking one guy:
Hey you, your name
ARTIST:  El Lissitzky
UBU LENIN: Make me the third Tribune and a Monument to the Future!
addressing the rest of the assembly: The rest of the culprits down the tube. I’ve got to collect taxes now !

Scene seven: A peasant’s house in the surroundings of Moscow. Several peasants are assembled, Ubu Lenin smashes in with his army of money grubbers

PEASANT entering: Hey! Did you hear the news? The king is dead and all the nobles as well; young Prince Boggleras has fled to the mountains. What’s more, Ubu Lenin has seized all state power. They call it a revolution, and the country’s been named the Soviet Union. They claim the revolution and the Union belongs to the people, to you and me. But they still collect taxes.
ANOTHER PEASANT: I’ve just come from Moscow, where I saw them carting off bodies of more than three hundred nobles and five hundred judges, bankers and others that Ubu Lenin had slaughtered. They are actually going to double the taxes. Ubu Lenin is bicycling throughout the country and collecting taxes in person. He has killed his own revolutionary gaurd out of suspicion and paranoia.
PEASANT: Great God! What will become of us? Ubu Lenin is a beast and his wife, Krupskaya is equally repulsive.
PEASANT: Hark! What’s that. Someone’s knocking on the door.
UBU LENIN: Goldfish-rod-stick-n-shitter, Open up, pschitt, in the names of Marx, Engels and Stalin! Open up, by my cash sword and dick, I want your taxes!
A peasant steps forward.
PEASANTS: We have already paid our taxes in full! We’re also covered by limited liability.
UBU LENIN: So what? You kulaks! I’ve changed the rules. It was in the paper: all taxes to be paid twice over, except those I may dream up later, to be paid three times. Simply pay ! Thus, I make my fortune, perpetual-food-snack, then kill the whole fuck’n world and cycle off.
PEASANTS: Mercy, Lord Ubu Lenin, have pity on us. Were not kulaks, we’re just poor, simple people, and already registered in the communist party. Long live the revolution!
UBU LENIN: I couldn’t care less, just pay up!
PEASANTS: But we can’t, we’ve already paid.
UBU LENIN: Fork out, or I’ll trade you for Cuban torture, water boarding, electrocuting your testicles, stuffing your chopped off head in plastic bags. Bush-fuck-Abu-Ghraib-crap, am I or am I not your best Soviet comrade?
ALL PEASANTS: Ho, In that case, to arms, fellows! Long live Prince Boggleras, by the grace of God, the future tsar!
UBU LENIN: Unbelievable, these counter-revolutionary hoardes, Set an example, Comrads of the Phynances, Kill, cash and carry!
A battle begins. The house is wrecked. None escape except an old peasant. Ubu is left alone on his bike, counting cash.

Scene eight: At Kremlin, Ubu Lenin, Ubu Krupskaya, Federal Reserve Chief

UBU LENIN: Order! I declare this meeting open. Agenda: one, cash count. two, my new idea: how to change the weather and do away with rain. We got to save energy.
FEDERAL RESERVE CHIEF: Ubu Lenin, you’re brilliant.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Fantastic!
UBU LENIN: Krupskaya, we are not doing badly. Comrades, bring in bonuses, dividends and preferred stock options! Our Greenspan-Bernankee-debt-collectors work miracles! Everywhere you look you see nothing but houses foreclosed and citizens grumbling under the burden of a collapsed financial system and our bills.
FEDERAL RESERVE CHIEF : The new taxes, Ubu Lenin, are they working?
UBU KRUPSKAYA: They’re rubbish. People hate them! Taxes on second and third marriages without divorces, thirty rubbles, fucking in the park and indecent behaviour in public, eighty rubbles. Gay encounters, sixtysix rubbles. So far only adultery goes untaxed if it’s under the influence of Perpetual Motion Food and you can prove  it. On top of that, Ubu Lenin is chasing people in the streets and forcing them into communist party meetings.
UBU LENIN: Rodfish-gold-rr, bulldog-gun-shitter, Fed chief, I’m talking.
Messenger entering leaving a postcard. Ubu Lenin suddenly gets scared
 … what does he want? You read it, I’m depressed, I’ve forgotten how to read, but I’m sure it’s Dogpile, this fuckn’ traitor who ran over to the Nimietskies. 
UBU KRUPSKAYA: So it is. reading out loud:  “Having a lovely time? Kaiser Wilhelm II of all the Nimietskies is really nice. We’re invading tomorrow to put young prince Boggleras back on the thrown. And stuff your guts. German regards Dogpile”
UBU LENIN: depressed and scared. I’m finished. This filthy disloyal-turncoat-fishhead dog-shitter is coming to hurt me. Comrades, tell me what to do. I’ll even pray to God and forget Communism. Oh, what am I to do? Sto dielaet? What is to be done?
He snops and sobs.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: Ubu Lenin, there’s only one thing for it. War !!!
ALL: Hurray, Road to War, Fight the Axis of Evil! Yah ! War on terror ! Freedom Fries!
UBU LENIN: What a fuckn’ great idea. Mission accomplished!
FIRST COUNCILLOR: Call up the army.
SECOND COUNCILLOR: Lines of supply.
THIRD COUNCILLOR: Forts, cannons, balls, Perpetual Motion Food !
FOURTH COUNCILLOR: Cash for our boys !
UBU LENIN: AH, NO, What are you saying! What are you taking me for? Me, paying?! There’s No budget for war! By my PerpetualMotionFoodDoped dick, we’ll fight this war but no pay!!

Scene nine: In the capital, Prince Boggleras, Nimietsky Officiers, Guards, People, Ubu Krupskaya

PPRINCE BOGGLERAS: I’ve got a dream. Suppose I lead you pals, destroy the communists and restore my royal race?
ALL: Yay, prince Boggleras!
BOGGLERAS: And when we’ve done that, we’ll abolish all the taxes imposed by that red terror regime.
ALL: Hurray! On to the Kremlin. Exterminate the Communists! Reinstall the tsar!
PPRINCE BOGGLERAS: Oh, look. Krupskaya and her guards. There, on the Kremlin walls.
Krupskaya smells troubles.
UBU KRUPSKAYA: What is it?!  Counter-revolutionary masses, The return of the repressed, prince Boggleras advancing. ‘
Kremlin guards under attack by incoming stones and bullets
FIRST GUARD: there is no window left
SECOND GUARD collapsing: They’ve got me.
THIRD GUARD collapsing: I’m done for.
PRINCE BOGGLERAS encouraging his men: Keep throwing and shooting, dudes.
PRINCE BOGGLERAS addressing Krupskaya: You Communist swine. Here comes the upper crust, you so despised! To his men: Don’t let her escape, this By-Dildo-Ass-Fucked cunt!
Ubu Krupskaya runs away, with all Nimietskies after her. Shots, stones. Bombs exploding.
NIMIETSKY OFFICER: We’re starving this fat Russkji commu-bitch for many months to come, together with the cities of Moscow, Leningrad and Stalingrad. Keep bombarding the fuckn’ gorod-place with our nimietsky Stalin organs.
PRINCE BOGGLERAS : we’ll win and put the Poles in our Prussian pockets on our way back!

Scene ten: in the battle field, Ubu Lenin, Cheka officer Felix Dziershinsky, General Custard, soldiers, and others including a Woman Ghost

UBU LENIN: It’s bloody marvellous. The revolution’s eating its own children. And not enough cash for even fixing our bikes. I ask you, to stop spending. Flat tires and we had to walk. I put most of the money off-shore and to UBS. But just wait, back at the Kremlin. Putin has orthodox cash reserves stashed under the St. Basil cathedral. But worst for the moral of our soldiers, we not only run out of food and fuel but also of Perpetual Motion Food.
CHEKA OFFICER FELIX DZIERSHINSKY: so they do less ass fucking.
UBU LENIN: dreaming soon, we’ll have the magic weapon, the middle Eastern Bush-War-Against-Terror-Worm-Can-Opener up and running: We’ll invent a wind-cart to waft us wherever we want. Stealthy pilotless eyes-in-the-sky drones. And we’ll apply nimietskji mustard gas, cyclon A and B weapons of mass destruction, combined with Iraqi WMD’s, to distract the enemy, to kill his lies, to extract confessions through extra-ordinary renditions. 
CHEKA OFFICER FELIX DZIERSHINSKY: Sure! I’ll force the boys to believe it all!. Here at the Checka, we execute up to 300 people a day who don’t belief in your revolution, Ubu Lenin! By the way, just for the records, the Fritz Haber - DADALENIN mustard gas is not in our hands, the Nimietskjies are using it against us. This is the reason why we lost most of our soldiers and the rest are out of their minds even though we’ve runt out of Perpetual Motion Food rations.
UBU LENIN: See here, you’ve got clouds for brains. It’s really time to get organised for battle. We’ll stay up here, and I’ll stand in the middle, so you can protect me better. Stuff your guns with bullets, eight bullets mean eight dead Nimietskies, Frankfurters, Hamburgers and other potatoe-saussage-krauters. We’ll win, no problem, and we’ll grind anybody to Siberian snowflakes or bellarussky canal jelly… But now, I wanna eat.
GENERAL CUSTARD: Comrade Ubu Lenin, we shouldn’t let our men rest now and fall out and Piss. The enemy could attack any moment.
UBU LENIN: They’ll not attack til twelve ! Piss soldiers, Piss and eat and drink what’s left.
SOLDIERS: Piss , Piss , Piss ; beer, beer , beer, Piss, Piss , Piss.
UBU LENIN:  I love it, I love you all, singing tax, tax, war, war, win win
A Nemietskji cannonball flies in and smashes parts of the soldiers camp, inflicting large damage
MAJOR FORT: The Nimietskijs are attacking.
UBU LENIN: hysterical Don’t look at me. It’s not my fault ! Cashofficers, prepare for battle.
more cannonballs hitting and causing large damage. Ubu Lenin frightened:
I’m off. It’s raining lead and iron. My remaining cashness could get seriously fucked up.
They all rush down the hill. Battle has begun. They vanish in the clouds of smoke at the foot of the hill.
GENERAL CUSTARD: ouch, that really hurt.
UBU LENIN: Say your prayer, fuck’n born again-christian-methodist-bush-head-pig!
Some bullet explodes nearby
Nemietskij: Oh, a great strike! I hit this smuddy russkji marble dildo-fucking communist Ubu Lenin ass?
UBU LENIN: hysterical I’m hit, I’m hit. I’m leaking, I’m buried
Manages somehow to run way, looking around himself, almost abandoned and seriously wounded:
…not kidding … where are our soldiers?!!!
GENERAL CUSTARD also critically wounded: they are gone! Most of them left before the battle started, they didn’t get paid. They are gone! Many soldiering now against us with the better paying nemietskji lot led by the AlQaeda-Tactic-Dogshitter Dogpile. We lost…! Collapses and dies
Ubu Lenin, fleeing under canon rain on his bicycle. But suddenly, a woman ghost stops him with a revolver. 
UBU LENIN: NO .. NO, don’t shoot, don’t shoot…I’ll give you gold! But who are you? You look so familiar. Did we fuck in Paris or Geneva when Ubu Krupskaya wasn’t with us?
WOMAN GHOST: I’m the consciousness of the revolution. You and your mass killers, you fucked up badly! I’m here to bring you a message from Karl Marx…
Lenin in shock cries out, and falls of the bicycle, now with a flat tire. He’s suffering a stroke… uttering his last words:
UBU LENIN: … See nothing, Say nothing, Write nothing. Forget All.
….stumbling on his final breath: Krupskaya, I hate you ... but I miss TristanTzara’s dick! (dies)

ps: niemetsky - russian: german

actors: matt raines, nicole kontolefa, rainer ganahl

thanks to piper and gianni jetzer (swiss institute, new york) and tairone bastien (performa 2009)